Second Life Herald

More Evil than Tinies, More Sinister than Furries, More Preverted than Elves: A New Race Arrives in SL

Purrsnicketys Prove there is no Bottom to Cute

By Urizenus Sklar, at the post-tiny life form desk

Yesterday Second Life witnessed the birth of a new race of virtual critters – Purrsnicketys. Their basic design is due to Phoenixxx Dragonash, who in RL is Ashley Speranzella-Evans, a free-lance fantasy artist.

They are built and scripted by Eren Padar. Below the fold are some screenshots and the purrsnickety propaganda.

Jimbo Quality Enhances Leadership Image

Jimbo buys presidential quality hair

by Jimbo Quality

After my last article, I sensed that there was something missing from my campaign to become President of Second Life. I sensed that the people had expectations of me that I wasn't meeting. My team hit the streets and conducted extensive research to find out what my fellow residents want in their leader. [Don't be fooled, this just means Jimbo finally read some comments - the Editrix].

a candidate prepares for extreme presidential makeover

What I learned is that my people don't think I'm good looking enough to be President. It was a tough thing to hear, but I am nothing if not eager to please, so I set out to fix this. I decided to part with some hard earned lindens and go skin shopping.

I knew I would need help, so I asked our fashion writer, Tenshi Vielle, to help me. She was thrilled.

Tenshi is a very busy avatar. For what seemed like a month, maybe two, I stood by her desk waiting for her to return. Finally, I IM'd her and amazingly, she had just logged on for the first time in weeks! It was like fate had brought us together.

Second Life Geisha Gardens: Get your Geisha On

by Tenshi Vielle, Fabulous Fashionista

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of visiting a place in Second Life via Cherry Tokyo called the Geisha House. If you wish to experience a great, culturally subversive build in second life, definitely check this place out.  When I teleported in, I was immediately amazed with the build, but what was even better were the costumes, props, and mannerisms of the Geisha who were performing that afternoon. Pre-scripted dances and objects along with seamless avatar control allowed for a wonderful, distracting, enchanting performance.

Lindens Name New Sim after African Goddess of Lag

"she slows down the day and night, and everything around here happens in a time outside of time"

Special to the Herald by Economic Mip

As I was cruising the new continent, I had the misfortune of running across a sim named "Mbokomu" which certainly brought back memories. According to several African tribes, Mbokomu was the daughter of Ngombe. According to the Ngombe tribe in of Zaire (now the Democratic Republic of Congo) she was sent to earth with her mother, due to the perpetual annoyance of the father. Also according to the Ngombe tribe, she was discontent with earth, and disliked all things green. (Some go so far as to blame her for all droughts, but that seems a bit harsh. Also, she found humans and the mortal creatures of the earth amusing, but was dismayed to find out they had such a short life cycle. She had a very unique way of correcting this problem...

Desperately Seeking Family: Ageplay Adoption Agencies in Second Life

by Muffin K. Smith

Jaelle Akula of New World Adoption

Ageplay in Second Life has received a lot of media attention ever since early March, when Linden Labs distributed notecards to places that cater to people who seek sex with child avatars. The wording of this notecard, as reported in the Herald, includes the line “Linden Lab chooses not to allow the advertising or promotion of age play or related activities in any public forum -- including in-world textures, classified ads, the Second Life forums, or parcel descriptions.” As a result of this rather vague sentence, many people who had child avatars, even those who did not use their avatars for sexual purposes, decided it was a good time for their avatars to grow up and thus ended their SL fling with a second childhood. One major aspect of this story that was largely overlooked, however, is the segment of the Second Life population that does not think that “ageplay” has to mean “sex.”

Second Life children are alive and well, despite the seeming ban on all things involving “ageplay.” A trip to B&R Family Services, Clinic, Foster Home, and Playground (Sunset Beach 105, 206, 23) will usually allow a visitor to find many Second Life children. Kiara Hudson, the manager of B&R explains that the agency enjoys good traffic and is a wonderful place to hang out because “It’s like our own little community, look around, everyone takes care of each other.”

The Medicis of Second Life

The Magic World of Leo Burnett; Big New Tree of Media Life

By Prokofy Neva, Virtual Corporation Watch

The big corporations that have entered Second Life are a rough analogy to the Medicis of medieval Florence -- avidly (avariciously) engaged in commerce, yet sponsoring art and architecture. I haven't worked out all the analogies yet -- perhaps it is Linden Lab that is the Medici family; perhaps the metaversal development giants they incubated are the Popes...well, you figure it out, (but read something other than the Wikipedia entry -- oy) -- how about PBS.. Amici degli amici . Draw what analogies you will, but the way the story works: Linden Lab opened the beta in 2003, they nurtured (purposely or accidently remains to be analyzed) a group of top programmers, designers, and graphic artists from among the resident population, and these people either went on to become Linden staff or run the most successful businesses in SL -- and then spun off eventually to form their own metaversal development companies like Electric Sheep Company or Rivers Run Red.

These gentlemen-explorer companies brought in by the sherpas don't likely perceive themselves (yet) in the role of patron of the arts, nor do they see the art as the jobs themselves, but that's because the old model of static works of art and the patronage system is being reworked. They're likely only forcusing on the urgent job at hand of getting as many eyeballs as possible for their brand and perhaps haven't risen to consciousness of their greater historical mission -- when they do, somebody is sure to use the hackneyed term "synergy" but that's what it will be about.

On Board the Endeavour

[Editor's Note: The Herald HQ occupies a landlocked plot in Second Life's Hyperborea sim, so it was with great surprise that we found washed up on our non-existent shoreline a waterlogged book, in the pages of which we found a sketch of Tiny Newt's barque, the Endeavour, as well as the scrap of a diagram of some sort. Though most of the book's pages were unreadable, we found within the tome a log entry, as well as a few legible passages from the days preceding it, which we reproduce below. Faithful readers will find they bring new insights into the saga of Sanchon, which we left off a few weeks ago but which is due to continue as soon as the weather is right.
--Walker Spaight]

Sanchon Bay, 2300 hours, 20th January, Year of our Lord 2007

Lat. 58.-45’ 00” S.

Long. 60-20’.30” E.

Log entered by First Mate Clasico Cassini

First Mate Casini press-ganged into naval battle with pirate contingent.

2 Brigantine vessels sunk or damaged.

Fired signal round P side 1745 hours.

No loss of life.

Melee on shore. Captain has not returned as of 0035 hrs.

Slight ship damage by collision with pirate vessel.

Extra watch set.

Signed by Officer of the Deck
King Anaconda

Searching for Nirvana

God and the weather (channel) in Second Life

by Jimbo Quality, on temporary assignment to the Herald spirituality extreme sports desk

Jimbo Quality and friend

[Editor’s Note: We had hoped feared that correspondent Jimbo Quality had been lost forever in his ramblings around the grid, until we received the following dispatch, scribbled on cocktail napkins and the backs of credit card receipts, on March 15. Apparently, Jimbo filed it in response to an assignment that was originally due in mid-February. When we politely but firmly inquired as to the delay, Jimbo grabbed his check and made for the door. "Lag," he said over his shoulder as he bounded out of the Herald offices. All we could do was wonder why he was wearing that helmet.
--Walker Spaight]

I was told to go find something spiritual in SL, and frankly the assignment had me stumped. I spent days weeks mulling the assignment as I camped in my favorite sleazy casino. Then, like a bolt of lightning, it hit me. Actually, that’s not right. The bolt of lightning hit some poor chick near me (see above), but it scared me enough to want to leave the casino.

Fear and Loathing in Second Life Part 9: Gideon Stays in Starwood Aloft!

[Yes yes, I know, we last left Gideon Television in the Big Brother contest, but that was so long ago and we at the Herald are so in the now, and more than that I'd like to think that Gideon was still there getting decorating tips from the Gorean mistress. So today we fast forward to Gideon's visit to the Hotel Aloft. I dunno, maybe we'll come back to Big Bro or maybe not, but you can also find the history of that debacle at gideontelevision.com. -Uri ]

After the humiliation salvation of being kicked from Big Brother, I needed to get away. Some time far from the madding crowd, to get my head straight.

And where better than Second Life's premium hotel destination, The Aloft. What a nice surprise. Bring your alibis.

Fear and Loathing in Second Life Part 8: the sordid history of the Big Brother fiasco part 2

Ah, yes it was so long ago -- centuries by the high speed adrenaline rush passage of time that is Web 3.D, but we keep up as best we can, and you *do* want the skinny on what *really* happened in the Big Brother in SL hypervent don't you? What if I told you it inolved all sorts of X-rated debauchery and our faithful correspondent Gideon Television was smack in the middle of it? Last week we published Gideon's first report from the griefer-infested beginning of the contest. Today, he leads us throught the Sodom and Gomorrah that was Big Brother in SL. -Uri

I awake the next day, the machines buzzing in my head, as I stare at the droning ceiling fan. "Big Brother. My God, still Big Brother".

While I was out, more pointless furniture had been installed and one contestant had been sent to the emergency ward. But none of that compared to the dawning realization that there's was something different in the air, something.... sapphic.

The Last Word In *ingo

Special to the Herald, by Onder Skall of Second Life Games

Never underestimate casual games. The video gaming industry is buzzing about them lately, billing them as a fast-growing frontier where indie shops are king. While many oldbie SL residents may look down their noses at Tringo, Slingo and the like, the fact remains that people play these games and have fun doing it. These games have a short learning curve, offer a reward for playing, and they make the owners money.

With that in mind I wasn't about to shrug off the invitation I received for a sneak-preview of Zingo. I may not be a very casual gamer (even new members in the Second Life Games group are called "Hardcore"), but these types of games have already dramatically changed the landscape in SL. It was worth checking out.

YAAR! The Pirates of Sanchon, Parte the Fourthe

by Tiny Newt

HMS Endeavour

[Editor's Note: Though the Herald navy had lost sight of Captain Tiny Newt's crew on the Endeavour in recent weeks, we rejoin them now as they commence their original mission: the exploration of virtual parts unknown...
--Walker Spaight]

Parte the Fourthe: In Which We Are Nearly Able To Begin

The crew was assembled on the fantail, awaiting orders. I looked aloft at the two eagles gliding gracefully about the upper spars. Crew members had affectionately named the male "Baldy" and his mate "Crewella," as she was forever squawking at poor Baldy. They had built a nest atop the foremast crosstrees, 65 feet off the deck. Inspiring to behold, the handsome birds provided an excellent early-warning system for the ship. Heaven help any misguided vermin who came aboard.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," I began. "The pirate hordes in the area mean us little harm, or so it would seem. Still, I want each of you to keep a sharp lookout. Today, I would like us to return to Endeavour's original mission, that of exploration and intercourse with the native population." Though my crew is normally well disciplined, my last comments were met with a ripple of laughter for reasons that escaped me.

Which Way is Mecca? A Visit to the Chebi Mosque in Cordoba

Sprituality week in the Herald continues today with a visit to the Chebi mosque in the Cordoba sim, which is based on the Great Mosque in rl Cordoba. It is really a beautiful piece of work, from the detailed textures to the great work with light to the lovely call to prayer audio files. According to Mohammeyussif Wikinger, who we met at the Mosque, they are looking to establish a leader or Imam for the mosque. This is really just a photo essay, so enjoy the screenshots. We hope to follow up with a more in depth story on Islam inside Second Life at a later time.

Oh and in case you were wondering, because the Sim is Cordoba, Mecca is due east on the Second Life map.

Chilling Effect? SL Hockey League Skates Over NHL IP

by Fiend Ludwig

[Editor's note: When we sent Fiend Ludwig to cover the SL Hockey League, he found the gameplay impressive, though it looks like their merchanidising scheme could use some help from a virtual zamboni.
--Walker Spaight]

I have watched hockey for as long as I can remember. In the winter when it is cold enough I play shinny on the outdoor rink near my house. In the summer I play hockey in an arena on my in-line skates. I love hockey. A couple of days ago, I watched a hockey game in Second Life; the final game of the Second Life Hockey League's first season. Currently there are only two teams, the Whales and the Wolves, though sources tell the Herald this may expand to four next season.

Hockey probably has reasonable potential to become a popular spectator sport in Second Life, and with an increased number of teams in the league, this potential will only grow. The game appears fun to play and easy to learn. A basic equipment package is even available (almost) free -- L$1 -- at the rink. But not all was as smooth as it seemed.

Back in the Saddle: Motorcycling With the Idiot

by Jimbo Quality

[Editor's note: Readers will recall the mishaps of idiotic correspondent Jimbo Quality in his Traveling With the Idiot quest for two-wheeled ecstasy on the Grid. Below, finally, Jimbo gets back on track. Sort of.
--Walker Spaight]

Jimbo Quality mounts his . . . well, never mind

Eureka, I found the damned motorcycles! Turns out they weren’t actually that hard to find once I actually left the nightclub I’d holed up in. They’re at a place called »Mooz« and a place called »Misp«. You can actually see them right on the map, without ever having to fire up Search. Now why didn't I think of that earlier? Well, there were a couple of reasons why.

Lock and Load: SL Combat Expo Gets All Fired Up

What sounds like a truly ambitious combat expo is coming to Second Life, March 24 to April 2 in the »Armory Island« sim. The first three days will include workshops and roundtable discussions on combat-related issues within Second Life, according to a press release from Apollo Case, who's running the show. Weapons vendors will also be there to explain their products to the general SL public, and make new product and product upgrade announcements. Booths at the expo run anywhere from L$3,000 for three days of the smallest option on up to L$20,000 for a "Diamond" level stand for the full 10 days, but you can book before February 20 for a 15 percent discount. Full details and preliminary timetable below the fold. For more information, contact Apollo Case by IM, or by email at apollocase [AT] yahoo.com.

Practical Marketing 101 From Panty Hog

By Prokofy Neva, Dept. of Virtual Estate, Simulated Entrepreneurs, Seamy Underbellies, and Commodification of All That You Once Held Dear, NOW WITH CAPTIONS FOR THE ATTENTION-DEFICITED!

Prim Prim-Primer and Prime Prim-a Dona Tateru Nino is telling us over at the Blingsider that Practical RL marketing just can't exist in Second Life.

There's only image enhancement, she says, in corporate marketing campaigns. "Face it, you can't really practically market a physical world product or physical world service in Second Life. Attempts to do so haven't really worked out all that well and end up damaging the image of the marketer or the brand," says Nino confidently.

I guess she hasn't ever been to Panty Hog.

I discovered this newcomer to Second Life the other day, on an errand of mercy, trying to see why a Japanese Zen garden in Bongwhang, which had been donated to our SL Public Land Preserve, wasn't getting much traffic. When I had last left the sim, after selling my own land there, which had suffered from blighty and intrusive neighbours, the sim was on the way down -- but I hadn't seen how low.

Still, if you just hold your nose a bit at the nature of this subject matter, and keep in mind that we are a very long way from Mark Wallace's high-minded obsession with lacy underthings, you'll be impressed with how female entrepreneurs can monetarize their time online in Second Life in ways that Tateru and her fanboyz just aren't admitting...(NSFW)

Watch Your Virtual Ankles, Roomba's Cleaning Up In Second Life

If you've been worried about the detritus that builds up in Second Life as a result of prim drift and Tiny sex, worry no longer. Resident Mooba Sienkiewicz (aka Greg, the myRoomBud crew's dad) sends word that he's created a virtual Roomba for use in-world. "One day a real Roomba's gonna come along and wash all the scum off the Grid," Mooba says. Actually, I made that quote up. But he did build a Roomba for SL. Catch a video of the virtual Roomba in action on the myRoomBud SL page.

Attentive Herald readers will remember iHerald Enterprises groundbreaking RealFrogger event held at last year's SXSW Interactive festival. This latest development holds more promise for the virtual world: RealFrogger in Second Life? We should be so lucky.

-- Walker Spaight (cross-posted from 3pointD.com)

A Tiny Reign of Terror?

by Onder Skall of Second Life Games

Larger than he seems...

Some might say it's all innocent fun. Some might say that the advantages a smaller avatar enjoys couldn't possibly destroy everything we hold dear. Some might say that Hitler wasn't a bad guy either, but I'm not one of them. Are you?

The Tiny culture of Second Life is something that many residents have noticed gaining momentum, but few speak about it -- for fear of being silenced. As a result, the general public remains unaware of the economic influence being generated through avatar sales, custom clothing, furniture, and architecture. Tiny-targeted shops are springing up all over Second Life, and their ranks are growing at an exponential rate.

But don't let their fluffy tails and cute paws fool you: Tinies aren't to be toyed with. It takes some brilliant (and most likely devious!) minds to make avatars so overwhelmingly cute. A smaller avatar is harder to shoot, and even when you have them in your sights, it's not so easy to pull the trigger on "Fluffy", is it? Tiny cosplay obviously has a militant agenda!

5 Free Fun Things To Do

by Curious Rousselot - Entertainment Numerologist

The world of Second Life is full of things to do and places to go. A surprising number of very well made sims are completely free. The big challenge can be trying to find something fun to do that fits within your budget. Here we present 5 fun second life activities you can try without having to pay a single $L.

The key to having fun in Second Life, as in first life, is friends. There are a number of activities that you can do on your own but are going to be more fun with friends to play with you. All of the activities presented here you will be able to try alone but are going to be more fun with friends.

Go-Karts -- location: Igbo 79,233,351
When I first started in SL I got my free Juicy Jeep from the freebie store on help Island. I rezzed it and tried to go for a drive...

After hitting everything around me and running over a couple of pedestrians I finally got the jeep stuck in a ditch that I couldn't get out of. I hopped out and apologized to the stunned pedestrians. Most of them forgave me and a few asked where I got the Jeep. All in all it was a rousing success, even if I am a total disaster behind the wheel.

Imagine my delight when I discover there is a Go-Kart track in SL where I can hone my bad driving skills (thanks for showing me, Tracy). The controls are a bit more complicated than the jeep but not so much as to be a real problem.

Not Quite On The Road: Motorcycling Undies of Doom

by Jimbo Quality

[Editor's Note: Below, Jimbo Quality continues his Traveling With the Idiot series, in which at the moment he is attempting to spend some time racing virtual motorcycles. Even if you don't enjoy the story, we hope you appreciate the fact that we're doing a community service by employing the mentally challenged.
--Walker Spaight]

As I left the offices of the Second Life Herald for my second attempt at journalism, I was bound and determined to find actual racing motorcycles. I mean, I'd taken the assignment to write about them, and damn it, I was going to find some. My journalistic reputation and integrity depended on it. Plus, I was hoping to meet hot chicks.

You see, dear reader, when the motorcycle story came to me I was thrilled, because the one person in SL I knew with a motorcycle is my delectable friend Jaime Wheeler, pictured above. You know the person who helps you get on your feet when you land here? The one that first tells you your shoes are up your ass and that your cool new Newbie Hair looks ridiculous? That was her for me. And did I mention she's attractive and rides a motorcycle? In my mind then, getting this story meant I would find the place where hundreds of helpful and beautiful biker babes cavort, frolic, and other things best left to the imagination.

Dodge This, Tringo: Combat Cards Deals Itself Into SL Gaming Scene

Special to the Herald, by Onder Skall of Second Life Games

It started with a couple of friends sitting at the kitchen table. Doc Boffin and Jaladan Codesmith wondered what it would take to create a kick-butt card combat game for an MMO. A deck of playing cards, some masking tape, a magic marker and a lot of imagination later, and a new game was born. This was the very definition grassroots gaming.

The game's first Second Life incarnation was called SIMCombat and didn't involve any graphics at all. The numbers were all handled through basic dialogue boxes, and the animation took the form of a slow-motion turn-based combat. When HUDs became available in 2005, Doc and Jaladan wanted to bring more graphical elements into the game. The cards that they had used at the kitchen table lent a tangible quality to the game. The problem was, neither one of them could really draw. If they were really to do a proper launch, they needed an art guru. Plus, they faced a key challenge: Would the game be fun?

Happily, Doc and Jaladan accomplished their mission, and in early 2006 a game was born that in its simplicity, sophistication and compulisve replayability would rival that pink elephant of Second Life gaming, Tringo.

A Day at the Virtual Races

by Jimbo Quality

[Editor's Note: We sent Herald reporter Jimbo Quality out to cover the Second Life racing scene. His report below is presented as the first installment of his Traveling With the Idiot series. You'll soon see why.
--Walker Spaight]

The author wonders whether he's made a wrong left turn

To avoid looking like a complete nerd, I ditched the free SL Herald reporter's hat they gave me before heading out into the grid on my first story. My assignment was simple; bring the thriving SL motorcycle community to life for our readers. I planned to spread the story out, start with the racers and then move to the bikers then start making up crap after that. "I can do this!" I thought as I started to work my special brand of magic on the search box.

"I totally suck at this!" I thought after a few searches had yielded no obvious motorcycle groups. Unbeaten and unbowed, however, I did what every other good Herald reporter does: I blamed it on the latest update and set out to make shit up.

L-Word Beats the P-Word

By Annyushka Apparatchik, Dept. of Worlds, Planets, Universes, Metaverses, Spaces, and Lovely Tea-Party Places

Tired of having friends you've send to join SL tell you later they turned around and left, after be bopped over the head by a giant phallus? Or caged on a laggy welcome area knee-deep in naked gun-totating newbs, unable to move?

Leave it to the lesbians of L-word to figure out how to beat the P-word. With this kick-ass build and superior orientation island by the Electric Sheep Company, you will want to become a lesbian just to live in this world, it's so different from the SL we all know and barely tolerate.

First, check out Show-time's fan site devoted to a new TV show called "The L-Word". I don't have a TV and would be unlikely to watch it, but Max is definitely cool.

From there, without any in-your-face furries, katana-slashers, or 14-year-old robots like our own favourite game company's site, you will gently be led to L-Word's SL page. Press on "Join for Free" and be ushered to a version of the Second Life site to chose a name -- you can start all over again as long as you don't use the same email you're already signed up with.

Now here's the fun part: after you get the new name and log on, you aren't going to be taken to that old clunky Orientation Island with all those nudgy signs telling people not to shoot or get naked (wasn't that why came here in the first place?!). You're so past all that now that you are with L-Word. As you rez into the world you will notice you are in paradise -- like SL was meant to be. Low-lag, spacious, particle-free, with winding garden walks and beautiful landscaping. In the distance, a lovely lady in a frisky polka-dotted swirly dress is walking toward you...

Pixel Sumo: The Fattest SL Game You've Never Played

by Davgor Edgeworth

[Editor's Note: We first noticed Pixel Sumo back in November, courtesy of its creator, Ebenezer Pixel. For a more in-depth look at the experience of becoming a fat, diapered virtual wrestler, though, we turn you over now to the ministrations of Davgor Edgeworth, who has gone the extra mile to bounce the editorial competition out of the ring.
--Walker Spaight]

The Pixel Sumo arena

Normally most games in Second Life require dozens of lines of script, a significant amount of Lindens or both. However, one of the quicker growing games in SL requires only two pose balls, and a roughly 6m wide disk: Pixel Sumo.

That’s right, sumo wrestling. To the uninitiated, it’s a sport where two contenders, most often called “rikishi,” try to force each other out of a ring, called a “dohyo”. Usually, the wrestlers are heavy as to make it both more difficult for their opponent to push them out, and to give them a little more momentum when they are ramming their rival. F=ma -- force equals mass times acceleration -- in action in it’s most base form. They also wear, for lack of a better term, a special underwear called a “mawashi”, and nothing else. Usually this is the point where most journalists make a “fat guys in diapers” joke. However, I am not most journalists, and this is not traditional sumo. [No problem, I already took care of it above. -- Ed.]

Blackjack! or How To Lose Your Shirt in Second Life

by Magnus Rothlisberger

[Editor's note: This shocking tale of loss reaches us from Second Life resident Magnus Rothlisberger, who hopefully now knows better than to keep much cash in his PayPal account. A cautionary tale.
--Walker Spaight]

Armed with a popular betting strategy I set out to test the internet gambling goodness in Second Life. I began at a Raiden Gold Casino roulette table placing individual L$1,000 bets on black. Always bet on black. Every time red or green came up I quickly doubled my bet to L$2,000 and then L$4,000, etc. until that accursed wheel finally landed on a black number.

Some would claim this method of gambling is too boring or has too low of a payout at 1:1 to be any fun. And it was partially true; I was insulted to have to wait 30 seconds for the "No more bets" and wheel before placing my next bet.

But screw anyone who calls winning boring. As the hours ticked by, some wins were easy but others were by the skin of my teeth with prayers and expletives hurled at the table, casino, and any avatars unfortunate enough to pass by during my gambling run.

The tension and stakes increased:

L$1,000 on black (Lost: Red 23)
L$2,000 on black (Lost: Red 14)
L$4,000 on black (Lost: Red 9)

crap

YAAR! The Pirates of Sanchon, Parte the Thirde

by Tiny Newt

[Editor's Note: When last we heard from him, sea captain Tiny Newt had lost one pirate ship and then recruited the presumably fetching Robin Sprocket to crew his next foray into the dangerous waters of Sanchon. . . .
--Walker Spaight]

Parte the Thirde: In Which We Are Totally Immersed

An expert in both weaponry and sailing, my old friend Robin Sprocket joined me as I sought my revenge against the pirates of Sanchon, but a new battle had already been joined, and there was no time to instruct her.

My "sit on the deck" command was lost to her: She sat on a cannon. This is common with other equipment -- and, of course, in other contexts in Second Life. But the ship, because of her scripting, came to a screeching halt. It took me precious minutes to understand what had just happened. Before I could say "Bluebeard" we were sitting on the bottom amidst smoke and ruined sails. Robin couldn't understand what had happened. "We've been sunk!! That's all. Ha-ha," I said with a sneer.

Back at the dock, everyone gathered for the final battle. The sexy Robin had stirred up the interest of the salty dogs assembled. As the time was short, a new battle plan was implemented. We changed corners and crews, but Robin stayed with me.

YAAR! The Pirates of Sanchon, Parte the Second

by Tiny Newt

The view from the crow's nest

[Editor's Note: Three cheers for the currents of the Adriatic, which found another champagne bottle clunking against our hull this morning as I walked the decks of the Herald yacht, attempting to keep down last night's caviar. Unfortunately, though, no hair of the dog was to be found within -- though the bottle did contain the second installment of the tale of the sea dog that began recently in the Herald's pages. Read on.
--Walker Spaight]

Parte the Second: In Which We Sinke

Hardly had our Second Life World Cruise gotten under way when I was press-ganged into crewing a pirate ship commanded by Nox Chamberlin in a mock naval battle. Though the position was well below my station, I held my tongue. I saw Nox head out for the far corner of the sim and I followed immediately so as not to lose him. No sooner was I aboard his vessel than Nox started in on me.

"SIT YE ON THE DECK, MISTER!" I was slow to follow his directive, not completely understanding the order and chafing against his abusive tongue.

"BY GOD! SIT YE ON THE DECK, I SAY," he roared. I did as I was told.

YAAR! The Pirates of Sanchon, Parte the First

[Editor's Note: The Herald yacht is regularly buffeted by various forms of flotsam and jetsam, most of which we sell to the virtual tin man that plies the waters in which we roam. Recently, however, a champagne bottle clanked against our hull. Believing it to contain the sweet elixir that powers the Herald presses, I fished it out of the water -- only to find a leaf of moist foolscap furled within. On it was scrawled in archaic hand the first part of a chronicle of sails, skulls and piracy on the high seas on Second Life -- not to mention some ribald equator-crossing tales we'll leave out for the moment. Below we're proud to present the first part of this epic of captains and cannons, penned by Tiny Newt, which we title for the moment YAAR! The Pirates of Sanchon. Hopefully further champagne bottles will arrive in due course. If we're lucky, some of them may even contain champagne.
--Walker Spaight]

Parte the First: In Which Our Goode Captain Is Press-Ganged Into A Pirate Fleete

HMS Endeavour dropped anchor in two fathoms of water off the shoreline of Sanchon province. Aside from a single ramshackle two-story structure up the hill and a few small sailboats sitting on cradles next to the beach, the place looked deserted. The spyglass revealed a boat-works high up the slope of the hill. Set further back were individual homes. All seemed placid. By morning's tea, white sails dotted the bay. Several small sailboats of the Tako type sailed in close, giving us a once over. Unarmed, they posed no threat as we attended to morning duties.

I nodded toward my lieutenant: "Mr. Cassini?"

"Captain, what do you see?" he asked me. But I saw only the windswept approaches to the land. Looking aloft, even our hitchhiking eagle, Baldi, had disappeared.

"Too quiet, isn't it?" I said.

"Not only that . . ." he replied, handing me the spyglass and nodding toward the shoreline. There was a brigantine rounding the headlands, moving with startling speed,

A cry rang out from the foredeck. "PIRATES!!!" The call electrified my crew.

The Ghost Islands of Second Life

Edelman Island, The Loneliest Ghost Island of All

It was Morlin, the Prime Minister of Shivar, who called the meeting. Gopod knows I hate meetings, but I am the Overlord of Shivar and I do take my responsibilities seriously. I am Overlord of Shivar because I bought the island as my own personal Xanadu, but in my munificence I allow the little people to use it. But now Morlin was exercised. Why? Because we were becoming a ghost island. Not enough visitors. "Do we want visitors?" I asked (I really do hate people, you know). A debate ensued and finally it was decided that we shall encourage visitors, "but not Blingtards," I insisted (there is a limit).

Stung by my defeat at the hands of my own Council of Elders, I decided to see just how bad the situation was. As of Dec. 31, 2006 Shivar showed a dwell of 4697. That's small potatoes compared to the sex clubs like Elements (123,234), Club Arsheba (119,151), and Club Extreme (98,493), but how would we hold up compared to the islands recently purchased by the meatspace megacorps. Hamlet Au had offered a preliminary assesment months earlier, but I needed fresh data. I summoned the Admiral of Shivar, Pixeleen, ordered her to provision our best galley, and we went on a tour of the islands of the great rustbelt invaders, and here is what we learned...

Disoriented

By Prokofy Neva, Dept. of New Residents Experience Evaluation and Manager, Alt Depot

Get ready for the big SL backlash. It's not just Clay Shirky stirring up a shit-storm at the eggheads' Terra Nova, prompting a new rigorous discussion of "metrics of use". It's not just the leftoid Guardian but now the more conservative London Times describing their "blow me" experiences -- perhaps not the image LL wished to project. It's not just liberal Time correspondents being hijacked to sex palaces or skeptical marketers like Churbuck ranting that there's little reason to approve projects in SL by people who don't even bother to find a way to log into SL. Even the most faithful Blingsider is questioning the numbers and experience; Hamlet nee Linden Au feels compelled to weigh in and Reuben nee Linden Steiger has taken on not only Churbuck but the lovely Danah Boyd who has gotten "irritated" with SL.

The only thing LL's one-person media department has to fight back with now is the sheer growth in numbers even behind the fake numbers -- but to make these numbers stick, they have to make avatars stick better on their servers. Right now, the 90-day churn burn-out rate could be as high as 90 percent even by Philip's own reckoning -- people fall off for all kinds of reasons -- too hard, too confusing, too expensive, too nasty, too demanding graphics card, too dull. How to keep them coming back for more and generating the kind of real statistics that MMORPG analysts want -- return, daily, log-ins (the MySpace guy, for example, gloats that he has 60 percent of such returnees daily after sign-ups; Robin Linden's answer is to say that 10 percent of residents spend 84 hours or more in SL per week).

Hence, the 50-odd new orientation areas being built with More, Better orientation. Except...what message are the Lindens trying to send with these cut-off voodoo heads with creepy eyes that follow you?!

Elf Magic

By Prokofy Neva, Community Affairs Desk.

A dragon roared. An imposing arctic wolf white lion flourished his cape. Arrows whirred, and mushrooms in the glen glistened. Our lovely elven hostess, decked in a moss-green holiday gown, beckoned to us to dance, and Herald reporters skidded across the aquamarine ice. Jaycatt and a Frogg were on the piano and guitar, and a good time was had by all.

The party was the first of a series of events in ElvenGlen staged during the holidays by Forcythia Wishbringer and friends at Elf Circle. We watched as a $100 US was raised the first night in an hour. By the the end of the week, the elves reported a total US $830 was donated by SL residents for the charities Toys for Tots, Habitat for Humanity, Doctors Without Borders, and the Red Cross.

More pictures after the fold.

Under Big Blue MegaPrim Skies

The tiny green dots assemble for a stress-test of the IBM four corners.

By Prokofy Neva, Community Affairs Desk

After a somewhat rocky start with an overloaded region at the usual place in Warmouth, a meeting of the Society for Virtual Architecture, featuring IBM's Lead Architect in SL Jessica Qin, got going at the four corners' point on the new IBM islands, opened just last Friday. A good chunk of the meeting went to arguing whether four-cornering is even really a workable option in SL, given the sinking through the ground, out-of-range chat, "object not in your sim" error messages, and inevitable crashing. Still, if you have to have more than 50 people over, it's the option available now in SL.

In a mainly off-the-record informal meeting, Jessica kept the overflowing crowd enthralled with tales of her use of mega-prims (featured on the big roof); a vow to make what might seem a bland corporate sim more tasty with various community activities (like this one); and a contemplation whether IBM or any company would save on airfares and meatworld conference costs or just frustrate the hell out of themselves and their employees with lag, distractions like furry ageplay (IBM will be refraining, we're told), and just the eternal question of What is To be Done?

The use of SL as a conferencing space was being sorely tested by the very meeting itself -- with no repeater and the speaker forgetting to shout; with melting floors and hoochy hair flexi prim induced lag, resident Dominque Severine summed up the problem in contrasting video and telephone conferencing with the SL experience: "Ten times more immersive, but that also means ten times more distracting."

Lead Architect for IBM in SL, Jessica Qin.

Tantalizingly, Jessica hinted at more LL and IBM cooperation, but stopped short of spelling it out.

HTML-On-A-Prim!

By Prokofy Neva, Dept. of Governance

Some of you may be trapped in a laggy, hopeless event right now, where you'll be hearing a tiresome story heard many times before about...Havoc on a Prim.

Meanwhile, just minutes before that insignifcant lag-bomb hypervent is due to open, the Herald labs, known for their fabulous creation of Virtual Meth (TM), have come up with something you'll all love.

HTML-on-a-Prim! Along with Government-on-a-Prim and other Government Surplus items released by the new franchulate, United States of States United, HTML-On-A-Prim promises you many happy hours of oblivious immersion. Teleport here to pick up your copy before the pirates get it! Meanwhile, back at the lab...

Horse Racing: Horses Lag in Babcock Downs Grand Opening

By Flimflam Edelman

Greetings Racing Fans. I spent the day at the grand opening of Babcock Downs, hoping to earn some spare change to make up for the recent shortfall in my earnings. This shortfall owing to me having shuttered my Fell Off The Truck appliance and cigarette store in protest of that ratfuck copybot thing. So I says to myself, nothing cheers up an avi like a day at the track, checking out the ponies and the ladies and earning some spare change on the side, and I tp’ed over to Babcock Downs.

Well now, I have an inside guy at the stables and he tells me to put it all on Miss Woodford in the 3rd Race and I suppose on a good track she woulda done fine but she wasn’t no lagger, and this track was laggy! The peeps took off their bling but it was still laggy as all hell. I even crashed out once. So I lost on Miss Woodford but made it up when my pal Joey in the paddocks doped up some of the other horses and they didn’t even get out the gate. How sweet was that! Anyways, I took some picks, and they are below the fold along with the racing form.

Clone Drones

By Prokofy Neva, Stepford Wives and Trumansville Desk

So I was flying around the Scion City sim last night, having missed the big party to launch the new car. I was convinced I'd find 717 traffic and 2 green dots -- which I did. I startled a coupla kids at a drive-in movie in their Scion with skulls decals -- seems you can not only buy the Scion for $300 but also retexture it.

I flew around thinking that this dismal future urban noir look was kind of a Bladerunner-type Hollywood set (the better to show off car bling, a visitor explained to me) when suddenly I screeched to a halt.

Clicking on the build in "edit" mode, I saw a name that was familiar...but different. The builder, "Neil Millionsofus" turned out to be the famous Neil Protagonist; the Scion City sim was a kind of sepia-toned off-print of his more finely-built, depth-filled and lively and pastel-coloured Nakama anime sims. Neil, like Baccara Rhodes, Versu Richeliu and other top designers of Second Life have been cloned as Millions Of Us workers.

I quickly made up a Protest-Mobile then fiddled around, finally settling on my Kool-Aid special (see below) which I left out overnight on the 0-autoreturn lot...only to find some helpful Minion had deleted it this morning when I logged in.

Time Lapse

By Prokofy Neva, Dept. of Flak-Catching

Time and date stamp on the press release I received from Hank Hoodoo in Counting Sheep, the market messaging group within SL run by the Electric Sheep Company: Tue, 24 Oct 2006 23:14:08 -0700 (PDT)
We're told to show up between 4 and 8 SLT on Thursday and Friday, October 26-27, to something called the Yahoo Time Capsule sim for "an evening of social building".

Time and date stamp on the blog about the Yahoo Time Capsule Event posted by Walker Spaight/Mark Wallace at www.3pointD: Wednesday, October 25th, 2006, at 10:09 am Eastern.

While he may have had an early tip, at a record 8 hours time elapsed (he could have been sleeping!), Walker is once again ahead of the intense 24/7 news cycle these days swirling around the Second Life round of hypervents, as one big company after another launches. But is every single fake event news?

Walker tells you that the event is "pretty cool (and Yahoo!’s Web site is cool as well)" -- and does (truth in advertising) mention that his blog is sponsored by ESC, too.