Will Erk Gloom find true love in the metaverse with a Herald personal ad?
by Pixeleen Mistral, Matchmaking Affairs Desk
Single hyena loves romantic walks and cuddling in the den - looking for a special someone who is open-minded, not easily offended. Hoping for SL companionship -- maybe more. Seeking M/F/Bi/Fur professional career-oriented hyena who shares my interests and twisted sense of humor. No drama! Attention grabbers, clingy avatars are turn offs. You must be at least 18 years old, preferably adult verified. Good taste is important - avatar height and weight should be proportionate, demonic eyeballs or bright colors are fine, but cruxes should not be mutated further than their original shape.
Even virtual hyenas need love. Last week Erk Gloom called to introduce himself and tell me he was feeling kinda blue - his online romantic life was a shambles and the Lindens had banned his SL partner -- could I help?
Normally I refer these sorts of inquiries to a well-known self-proclaimed metaverse expert admired for infallibility at the expense of consistency, and a sympathetic, gentle touch.
But - bad luck for me! My fave-rave anti-techno-communist/collectivist was offline, and when Erk mentioned Leda Swanson, I stopped cold.
Every year on June 3rd, the Herald staff hold a silent vigil in a deserted, silent snow sim to commemorate Leda Swanson’s transformation into a furry - a grim reminder of how an uncontrolled furry sex addiction can lead to the depraved depths of hermaphrodite hyena sex.
Thinking about Leda and her sad fate brought back some painful memories - but I couldn't blame Erk for his interest in the Leda Swanson's transformation story. The hyena can't help it.
When Erk asked for an introduction to Leda, I had to tell him that after her transformation, Ms. Swanson had disappeared without a trace, but there was still hope. Google teaches us that targeted Internet adverts can work miracles, and the Herald tops the charts in virtual hyena readership. Perhaps a carefully crafted personal advertisement would help.
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