Alphaville Herald

Mad SL Science Experiments

Flickr-ing light and streaming video

by Fiend Ludwig

Answering an invitation to preview their newest creations, I recently met up with Hallie the Chatbot developers Anthony Reisman and Navillus Batra, founders of Metaverse Technologies, at their newly acquired location for 'mad scientist experiments,' as Reisman puts it. Upon arrival I am greeted by a giant display streaming individual Flickr photos to each of the six screens that make up the panel. Batra explains, "This is splitting the single video feed into six at the same time. Right now this is in the Flickr mode, showing the latest public pictures uploaded into Flickr. You can also put your own Flickr username into the notecard, and it will browser those specifically.'

six screens of Flickr

Op/Ed: The Missing Lindens

Linden, oh Linden, wherefore art thou Linden?

by Seola Sassoon

In recent months, there has been a serious breakdown in communications between the users of SL and the company that created it – Linden Lab.

Firstly, we saw a lack of response in the Linden Answers forum, then a shutdown altogether. Where do the masses head? The 'Official' Linden blog. Of course, they do. When you shut down the main, albeit clogged, avenue for users to directly communicate with people that run the company, they head to the next popular spot.

We've also seen some of LL's biggest critics silenced. Whether you love them or hate them, top posting names that provided a comment, even ones that falls within posting guidelines and rules have been banned from posting in the first place, and now secondly removed from the blog. Because LL is supposedly innovative in the design and concept of Second Life, no one can for sure know what goes on behind the scenes. So while some of the loudest critics aren't saying much in the way of how to fix things, they shouldn't be ignored altogether either. Sure it takes some weeding out of the 'WoW never does it' crowd, but there's also some 'I can take down SL with a simple two mouse clicks'. Isn't that worth enough to keep the avenues open?

BMW's No-Drive Zone

by Fiend Ludwig

[We sent Herald reporter Fiend Ludwig to test-drive some Beemers in Second Life -- only to find the project could hardly get into first gear.
--Walker Spaight]

BMW New World: Dude, where's my SL car?

Another corporate sim equals another deserted island. This formula, oft trundled out by the not-so-mainstream media seems, in fact, to be true. Most of the corporate sims around Second Life are normally entirely devoid of other visitors. This was certainly the case when I had a look around BMW New World recently. Upon teleporting in, a chat script chimed, "Hi Fiend Ludwig, unfortunately we cannot welcome you personally right now. Please IM Munich Express with any questions you might have. Talk to you soon." Feeling a little smug, I posted a somewhat flippant report on my blog and thought no more of BMW and their New World.

Until Munich Express actually did IM me.

5 Free Fun Things To Do

by Curious Rousselot - Entertainment Numerologist

The world of Second Life is full of things to do and places to go. A surprising number of very well made sims are completely free. The big challenge can be trying to find something fun to do that fits within your budget. Here we present 5 fun second life activities you can try without having to pay a single $L.

The key to having fun in Second Life, as in first life, is friends. There are a number of activities that you can do on your own but are going to be more fun with friends to play with you. All of the activities presented here you will be able to try alone but are going to be more fun with friends.

Go-Karts -- location: Igbo 79,233,351
When I first started in SL I got my free Juicy Jeep from the freebie store on help Island. I rezzed it and tried to go for a drive...

After hitting everything around me and running over a couple of pedestrians I finally got the jeep stuck in a ditch that I couldn't get out of. I hopped out and apologized to the stunned pedestrians. Most of them forgave me and a few asked where I got the Jeep. All in all it was a rousing success, even if I am a total disaster behind the wheel.

Imagine my delight when I discover there is a Go-Kart track in SL where I can hone my bad driving skills (thanks for showing me, Tracy). The controls are a bit more complicated than the jeep but not so much as to be a real problem.

Not Quite On The Road: Motorcycling Undies of Doom

by Jimbo Quality

[Editor's Note: Below, Jimbo Quality continues his Traveling With the Idiot series, in which at the moment he is attempting to spend some time racing virtual motorcycles. Even if you don't enjoy the story, we hope you appreciate the fact that we're doing a community service by employing the mentally challenged.
--Walker Spaight]

As I left the offices of the Second Life Herald for my second attempt at journalism, I was bound and determined to find actual racing motorcycles. I mean, I'd taken the assignment to write about them, and damn it, I was going to find some. My journalistic reputation and integrity depended on it. Plus, I was hoping to meet hot chicks.

You see, dear reader, when the motorcycle story came to me I was thrilled, because the one person in SL I knew with a motorcycle is my delectable friend Jaime Wheeler, pictured above. You know the person who helps you get on your feet when you land here? The one that first tells you your shoes are up your ass and that your cool new Newbie Hair looks ridiculous? That was her for me. And did I mention she's attractive and rides a motorcycle? In my mind then, getting this story meant I would find the place where hundreds of helpful and beautiful biker babes cavort, frolic, and other things best left to the imagination.

Lindens Likely to Limit Landbots

Seismic activity detected to east - new continent may appear soon

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

Rockin’ Robin Linden acknowledged today what Herald readers have known for some time - automated bots that scan for land bargains, then swoop in for high speed purchases have made it extremely difficult for puny, slow, weak human-controlled avatars to purchase lower priced parcels. Apparently bowing to pressure from bill-paying humans to level the playing field in the land game, Linden Lab will make changes to the metaverse to separate the bots from the humans - at least in the land market.

Can Linden Lab CAPTCHA landbots?

Robin chirped “we’re looking at adding a step to the purchase process which should make it more difficult to use ‘bots in purchasing land”. Sources speculate this may take the form of a "Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart" or CAPTCHA step in the land purchase process - as is commonly employed at ticket selling sites - which also can be susceptible to scripted gaming of the system. Despite dire warning from ‘bot fans that the future of land bargains belongs to the über scripters, this move by Linden Lab suggests that the game gods may be capable of taking steps to keep the game fun - or at least interesting - for their human customers.

In related news, seismic activity has been detected in the void areas of the metaverse and Robin predicts a new continent will appear to the east soon. Look for a more mainland sims to come onto the land market, and a possible drop in land prices.

Shock! Fashion Designer Knockoffs

Designer copy victims banned from knockoff shop

By Seola Sassoon

News yesterday and this morning spread across my screen in the Sellers Guild chat channel about a 'new designer'. In fact, it wasn't a new designer, but an account with blatantly ripped items from many popular designers.

I teleported in to immediately recognize some Nyte N Day, ETD, and Gurl 6 designs - some of which I personally owned so I can tell in the details for certain - not to mention tens of other styles of recognizable clothing from the top designers in SL.

The avatar selling? Rach Snookem

I received this picture from a watchful consumer to show prim similarities.

Shockingly similar

Windows Vista Gets Sexy in Second Life

If you're wondering whether Windows Vista will be compatible with your Xcite cock, wonder no longer. The OS sees its official launch today, complete with a party at ten locations in Second Life. But as resident Kitten Lulu amusingly points out on her blog, about half of the 10 locations Microsoft has chosen for the virtual launch party (at 2pm SL time, featuring Praga Khan) are places frequented by paid cybersex escorts. Microsoft "Enthusiast Evangelist" Miel Van Opstal has more insight on just why the locations were chosen. In any case, if you think Vista might put some more "wow" in your Second Life sex life is, check it out. (SLurls here.)
--Walker Spaight

Montana Male-Order Bride Meetup?

Get A Life
by Heartun Breaker, syndicated advice columnist.

HEY HEARTUN ~ I'm a homosexual who lives in Montana -- land of cowboys and intolerance -- and I live with my parents while I go to college. I want to get the hell out of this square, underpopulated, shit hole some day but for now I'm kind of stuck here. There are no gay bars or hangouts here. My only real outlet for my sexuality is here in Second Life, where I am a Gay Furry.

When I first joined I was such a slut! But since then I've settled down a bit and have had a couple of semi-monogamous relationships, one of which I am in now. This new guy knows some of my real life contact information too -- a post office box I keep for personal stuff. And he sends me Viagra and meth to enhance our sexual play. First I just tried the Viagra, and LOVE it!! but had been afraid to try the meth. My curiosity won out though, and I was blown away. The experience, especially when combined with Viagra, sex toys, and prolonged sexual play both on SL and through web cams, is absolutely amazing.

Now my lover is pushing to meet up in real life, something I'm not really comfortable with -- but he has the Viagra and meth, and I do like him even though I don't know that I trust him that much. I feel very vulnerable, but this is amazingly exciting! ~ MALE ORDER BRIDE

Inside the Bot Cave

Bot-man Kamilion Schnook‘s underground testing facility

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

Inside a mountain on Anarchia Island, beneath a false floor is a cave that - at times - contains around 20 bots - zombie avatars controlled by a single person. Last night, a tip arrived on the mojo wire talking about “a secret cave filled with bots ready to attack”. Unfortunately, this turned out to be a little too good to be true - my dream story will have to wait for another day.

What I did find was an underground bot testing facility used by a scripter following the libSL open-source client developments - Kamilion Schnook. Mr. Schnook took some time to chat and demonstrated his botnet a bit - until they crashed and disappeared one by one after about 40 minutes.

The bots are a set of accounts being driven from a single client side program, and crashing bots are OK with Mr. Schnook - he says the point of making the bots is to “do smoketests on libsecondlife daily builds here, on linux/mono and windows/.net”. When the bots crash, Mr Schnook says, “the results are submitted back on to the libsl maintainers as well as stack traces of when they do eventually crash”. As we waited for the bots to crash we chatted a bit.

LandBots Bought First Linden Land; Line Pockets

By Prokofy Neva, Dept. of Virtual Estate

Try saying that headline really fast! But no matter how fast you move, you'll never be able to control your reflexes as quickly as LandBot, who can purchase a parcel released to first land while your human eye is still slowly blinking.

Yes, you're heard of CopyBot, CampBot, and SheepBot: now welcome LandBot into the pantheon of libsecondlife reverse-engineered features that are enhancing your Second Life *cough*.

It's now been confirmed by multiple eyewitness reports (I've seen them myself) as well as a drama-laden Second Citizen confession, that bots -- multiple alt accounts controlled by one person -- are scouring the land of SL to buy up first or liquidated land and corner the market. The Lindens, as usual, are silent and have no comment. Resident Answers, that rump of the old LL forums, and many other blogs including the Herald are fretfully discussing the implications of shortages and land-swooping by baby barons for new people coming into Second Life who want land, as promised in their subscription. Are they to go on being deceived by exploiters?

Ageplay in Second Life: Interview with Jailbait Manager Emily Semaphore

In real life, Emily Semaphore is 35 and works as a librarian. In Second Life, she roleplays as a 13 year old girl. Together, with Ian Manray (her real life husband, who she met in SL!) she manages Jailbait, a Second Life club dedicated to age-play – often involving cybersex between the participants. In this interview, we ask her about ageplay, her job as manager at Jailbait, what she considers the psychologically healing aspect of sexual ageplay, and what she sees as the troubling aspects of ageplay and society’s reaction to it.

Fear and Loathing in Second Life, part 7: To whom it may concern...

by Gideon Television

This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the Second Life immersion courses over the months since my first introduction to the shall we say, ethics involved with online relationships in virtual worlds, it's proven to be very true....

Dodge This, Tringo: Combat Cards Deals Itself Into SL Gaming Scene

Special to the Herald, by Onder Skall of Second Life Games

It started with a couple of friends sitting at the kitchen table. Doc Boffin and Jaladan Codesmith wondered what it would take to create a kick-butt card combat game for an MMO. A deck of playing cards, some masking tape, a magic marker and a lot of imagination later, and a new game was born. This was the very definition grassroots gaming.

The game's first Second Life incarnation was called SIMCombat and didn't involve any graphics at all. The numbers were all handled through basic dialogue boxes, and the animation took the form of a slow-motion turn-based combat. When HUDs became available in 2005, Doc and Jaladan wanted to bring more graphical elements into the game. The cards that they had used at the kitchen table lent a tangible quality to the game. The problem was, neither one of them could really draw. If they were really to do a proper launch, they needed an art guru. Plus, they faced a key challenge: Would the game be fun?

Happily, Doc and Jaladan accomplished their mission, and in early 2006 a game was born that in its simplicity, sophistication and compulisve replayability would rival that pink elephant of Second Life gaming, Tringo.

Haifeng Chu - Post 6 Grrrl

[Editor’s note: Haifeng Chu - our latest Post 6 Grrrl - shows off some of the most amazing one-of-a-kind tattoos I have seen in SL. I’m sure our readers will want to examine this work of art very carefully. Haifeng was photographed by another one-of-a-kind SL national treasure - Marilyn Murphy, the photographer/visionary behind Players, SL’s in-world erotica magazine.]

"You are a true exotic in a sea of sameness."-Shawn Harker, Amateur Photographer Who Refuses To Go Professional But Should Anyway. :P

Hello there! I am Haifeng Chu, owner of wicked Garden Market and Gravity Fails Free Sex Club. Stop by sometime, won't you?

Now that the shameless plug is out of the way, more about me.

As you can see, I'm a Han Chinese female. There are not many of us here on SL yet. I think this is part of the reason people think I'm so exotic. I try hard to look exotic because I'm rather ordinary in RL. But then a lot of us look average there, right? *chuckles*

TV: The Cappuccinos

Zee delivers crowbar-enhanced newspaper

by Inigo Chamerberlin

[On the previous episode of The Cappuccinos: Street-smart Zee, having just joined "The Family" is eager to prove himself one of the goodfellas, and starts looking for an informant to whack while working the family numbers game. Philip visits the consigliere and returns quiet and subdued - but quickly resumes his normal upbeat wiseguy demeanor. A Cappuccino family administration meeting is called and as the clock strikes 3:00 and the our story continues... - the Editrix]

Phil: OK– now, not all of you are made men but everyone is part of this thing of ours - are we cool dudes or are we cool dudes?

All: We ARE cool dudes Phil!

Phil: Always remember that - you are all part of the family! Now, first order of the business: Wossname? Sunshine? Spin Monkey? erm….

Cory: You mean Torley, boss?

Phil: That’s the one! Torley is getting kinda frayed round the edges and Robin’s been giving me hell about it – I want suggestions for a new phrase to imply everything’s fine. ‘Fixed’, ‘Resolved’ - they just aren’t cutting it any more. We need something else, preferably something that suggests everything’s OK, without committing us to fixing anything on any time scale.

Brent: -snigger-

Phil: Thank you for that helpful contribution Brent, Now, while I think of it, about this idea of yours that unlimited logins of a potentially unlimited number of users while the grid still can’t handle more than about twenty thousand concurrent logins being a self regulating gizmo? Well it’s causing problems, pal!

Brent: Uh, how so boss? I mean, like, uh, when the lag and database issues become bad enough they start logging off in droves, the online figure drops and the problem stabilizes. Uh, where’s the problem? It is self regulating.

Gangsta asks "She Lyin. What Ima Do? I Hella Mad!"

by Heartun Breaker, syndicated advice columnist.

HEY HEARTUN ~ My wife, girlfriend, 'partner' whatever -- I think she cheating on me. We ben talking about her livin Textas (sic) and moving up to me in Detroit and what not. We good together. We play alla time. But month ago she play that Wow (World of Warcraft) game now she dont come on SL hardly never!!!!

I ask if she cheeting but she say "no" but I see she on with the AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) alla time but she ignore me some time so I thinking she on Wow with some dude!!!

When she DO come play SL she all "No, my computer just on. I was out." but I no she lyin. What Ima do? I hella mad but she don no that yit. ~ HELLA 'G'

DEAR HELLA ~ When did gangstas start playing Second Life? Ummm... never. Whether you are black or white or Latino or Asian, you've got to drop the 'too cool for school' hip-hop mode of speach because it just doesn't work in an online environment. Face it, if you are here... YOU ARE A GEEK! It's just a question of to what extend or degree your geekiness extends.

A Day at the Virtual Races

by Jimbo Quality

[Editor's Note: We sent Herald reporter Jimbo Quality out to cover the Second Life racing scene. His report below is presented as the first installment of his Traveling With the Idiot series. You'll soon see why.
--Walker Spaight]

The author wonders whether he's made a wrong left turn

To avoid looking like a complete nerd, I ditched the free SL Herald reporter's hat they gave me before heading out into the grid on my first story. My assignment was simple; bring the thriving SL motorcycle community to life for our readers. I planned to spread the story out, start with the racers and then move to the bikers then start making up crap after that. "I can do this!" I thought as I started to work my special brand of magic on the search box.

"I totally suck at this!" I thought after a few searches had yielded no obvious motorcycle groups. Unbeaten and unbowed, however, I did what every other good Herald reporter does: I blamed it on the latest update and set out to make shit up.

Valley-Meme and the Crashed Drawing-Room

A pointy-eared polemic by Prokofy Neva

Robbie Dingo's Whisper Box Near Magellan's Crash

While it seems like a credible concept, the good professor's "new media" concept reveals too much Chomsky-reading, and not enough McLuhan. Far from having a new streaming interactive pushme/pullyou immersivia to replace the old one-way pulp-and-electron media, we have something far more broken and dangerous nowadays: an unaccountable archipelago of amateur egos scattered across the budding Metaverse who are all playing a grand game of Gossip. They flash memes picked up from games forums and group IMs and speculative blogs and amateurish podcasts and mash them into approximations of news stories as fast as you can push Blackberry buttons. In the name of this indy corrective to another evil -- concentrated media corporations -- they scorn the basic methods of investigative journalism and editorial accountability. This isn't just Wikiality; this is Wikiality 3-D, streaming, and with the power to fill your world with red ban lines and self-replicating prims as well as reiterating reputation-damaging falsehoods.

The little salons of 40 intelligent and sage conversants lovingly imagined by Urizenus would be a wonderful thing if they really existed in SL -- but they are more likely to be replaced by griefers crashing the neo-18th century drawing rooms and making coherent discourse impossible. And these illegitimate claims of "trolling" and "spamming" in fact are about an often viciously rigid orthodoxy that brooks no dissent, and takes any kind of principled position as a "troll" and any kind of self-affirmation or consistency as a "spam". Ever wonder why you can't post comments on Valley Wag and can't even find the button to register? They have a creepy Friendster or SLOG-like system of only inviting their special friends to post -- and their special friends who are confirmed. Nice way to get an echo chamber!

The Return of the Salon and the End of Mass Media

Pointyheaditorial by Urizenus Sklar

Denizens of the internet have long noted that many online meeting places have served roles like those of the literary salons and coffee houses of the 18th century. Online conferencing systems like The WELL and Mindvox, MUDS and MOOs like Xerox PARC’s LamdaMOO and MediaMOO, and graphical social spaces like The Sims Online and Second Life have become places where robust and innovative political, social, and artistic ideas have been discussed and debated. In this essay, I will say a bit about why such “cybersalons” are important, raise the question of whether they are endangered, and ask whether there is anything we must do to preserve them.

L-Word Beats the P-Word

By Annyushka Apparatchik, Dept. of Worlds, Planets, Universes, Metaverses, Spaces, and Lovely Tea-Party Places

Tired of having friends you've send to join SL tell you later they turned around and left, after be bopped over the head by a giant phallus? Or caged on a laggy welcome area knee-deep in naked gun-totating newbs, unable to move?

Leave it to the lesbians of L-word to figure out how to beat the P-word. With this kick-ass build and superior orientation island by the Electric Sheep Company, you will want to become a lesbian just to live in this world, it's so different from the SL we all know and barely tolerate.

First, check out Show-time's fan site devoted to a new TV show called "The L-Word". I don't have a TV and would be unlikely to watch it, but Max is definitely cool.

From there, without any in-your-face furries, katana-slashers, or 14-year-old robots like our own favourite game company's site, you will gently be led to L-Word's SL page. Press on "Join for Free" and be ushered to a version of the Second Life site to chose a name -- you can start all over again as long as you don't use the same email you're already signed up with.

Now here's the fun part: after you get the new name and log on, you aren't going to be taken to that old clunky Orientation Island with all those nudgy signs telling people not to shoot or get naked (wasn't that why came here in the first place?!). You're so past all that now that you are with L-Word. As you rez into the world you will notice you are in paradise -- like SL was meant to be. Low-lag, spacious, particle-free, with winding garden walks and beautiful landscaping. In the distance, a lovely lady in a frisky polka-dotted swirly dress is walking toward you...

Pixel Sumo: The Fattest SL Game You've Never Played

by Davgor Edgeworth

[Editor's Note: We first noticed Pixel Sumo back in November, courtesy of its creator, Ebenezer Pixel. For a more in-depth look at the experience of becoming a fat, diapered virtual wrestler, though, we turn you over now to the ministrations of Davgor Edgeworth, who has gone the extra mile to bounce the editorial competition out of the ring.
--Walker Spaight]

The Pixel Sumo arena

Normally most games in Second Life require dozens of lines of script, a significant amount of Lindens or both. However, one of the quicker growing games in SL requires only two pose balls, and a roughly 6m wide disk: Pixel Sumo.

That’s right, sumo wrestling. To the uninitiated, it’s a sport where two contenders, most often called “rikishi,” try to force each other out of a ring, called a “dohyo”. Usually, the wrestlers are heavy as to make it both more difficult for their opponent to push them out, and to give them a little more momentum when they are ramming their rival. F=ma -- force equals mass times acceleration -- in action in it’s most base form. They also wear, for lack of a better term, a special underwear called a “mawashi”, and nothing else. Usually this is the point where most journalists make a “fat guys in diapers” joke. However, I am not most journalists, and this is not traditional sumo. [No problem, I already took care of it above. -- Ed.]

ADVERTISEMENT: More Second Life Millionaires?

So I happened by a forum the other day which struck me as being really unique. TalkSecondLife.com is perhaps the only forum where networking and knowledge is shared about making money in-world. From reading the posts, it appears that a few businesses have been started by their members. There's some really good information for members (it's free) on starting businesses and running businesses in-world. Who knows: Anshe may even be a poster in sheeps clothing on there! So this brings me to the question: How many Second Life Millionaires are there?

Korean Gold Farmers Form Trade Association

Korean gold farmers aren't taking the news of possible governmental regulation lying down. Instead, they've formed a trade union to lobby the government, according to veteran MMO designer Raph Koster -- who is also the author of the draft Declaration of the Rights of Avatars, a document we at the Herald hold dear. Rise up! gold farmers, we say. Your pixelated swords are your plowshares. All that's needed now is a virtual Eugene Debs.

--Walker Spaight

Database Problems Cause Haiku Outbreak

Linden Blog infected - citizens seek poetic justice

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

A highly infectious strain of Haiku has struck the official Linden Lab blob - affecting residents whose immune systems may have been weakened by chronic exposure to disappointing performance in their game world. As editors scrambled to find a new way to report the usual news - teleports aren't working, avatars are sometimes invisible, L$ account balances are wrong, resident profile information is not loading -- the outbreak of a new Haiku strain may be a blessing - at least for those in the news business. Sources suggest that this outbreak may also help secure funding for a rare breed of Epidemiology/English Literature researchers searching for trendy new research topics.

Official sources report that Boss Melnitz suffered the first documented case of Haiku at 3:46 PM PST with this comment on the blob:

Teleports, Linden$,
My virtual nards shriveled.
Concurrency sucks!

German Army Beats Unbearable “French Lag”

Land owners’ triumph of will in Porcupine sim

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

Ten days ago, after a series of violent yet faintly surreal pro- and anti- Front National (FN) protests, the FN group sold their land and moved from Porcupine sim to Axel leaving a demolished Matrix Mall behind. To the relief of the other landowners, the FN’s departure has allowed life to return to normal in Porcupine. A casino now occupies the former site of the National Front offices -- this is viewed as a positive development by some other sim residents - especially group that styles itself as the “Modern German Army”. The German Army is pleased with the casino because they feel the casino’s patrons may be potential recruits to help build their army to address threats in the metaverse.

Life for the was not always so pleasant for the German Army, although they managed to maintained a base of operations in Porcupine despite the pro- and anti- Le Pen French. In a series of interviews with German Army führer Tristan Mineff and his troops, the Herald was told an unhappy tale of “French lag” and vigorous defense virtual German virtual real estate from the noisy partisan politics of another country from another universe - real life.

We discussed the how selling some land to get a buffer between the German Army’s base and the FN proved to be a mistake when Irish leftists purchased the plot and set up an anti-FN outpost. Führer Mineff also provideded the Herald with a copy of the “SECOND LIFE STRATEGIC ARMS LIMITATION TREATY”, and discussed the joys of damage enabled land, using black soldiers to make the point that the German Army are not fascist nazis, and the Alliance Navy. For those who's virtual neighbors prove to be problematic - take heart - the German Army survived the onslaught, and this inspiring tale of perserverence and strength may serve as an example to others.

Blue Note Jazz Club Clobbered by Sim Crash

Only online Linden asks not to be bothered

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

Blue Note before being eaten by database

Blue Note blown away

The Blue Note Jazz lounge was destroyed by a sim crash during a live DJ event - the building was devastated by an apparent bug in the Second Life server or database software according to several reports that turned up on the Herald’s mojo wire today. Dylan Rickenbacker told us that during a well attended event “at the Blue Note Jazz Lounge in Mocis a sim crash destroyed a large part of the builds there”.

With a metaverse mess-up having destroyed the popular jazz hangout, and no assurances that this will not happen again, the club owners have closed the Blue Note until further notice. Member of the Blue Note group received a notice today stating in part, “The Blue Note Retro Jazz Lounge is now closed. Feel free to complain to the Lindens, note that they don’t care that the last *ICON* in SL on the mainland will be leaving. Making plans and trying to regroup the Blue Note as soon as possible, but please be patient.”

The Herald contacted Blue Note owner Naydee McGettigan and she shared a conversation with the Nicole Linden last night while begging for a rollback to retrieve her missing club:

Mr. Linden's Hong Kong Or Level 75

Mr. Ben Linden rides off into a YouTube sunset to his new franchulate.

By Prokofy Neva, Dept. of Kremlindenology

In keeping with its plan to open source and franchulate the popular online 3-D streaming video gangland game vicinity, whose tangled code had become "nearly organic," Linden Lab has allowed a resident-turned-Linden and long-time loyal servant to spin off from the Mother Ship. As a Blingsider fanboi was quick to discover, Mr. Ben Linden announced via a sentimental YouTube creation that he was leaving the Lab to form his own business.

No other details were available other than than Mr. Ben's statement to Blingsider that he would "use Second Life," but since he rode off into the sunset on Pony Linden, we're thinking Mr. Ben Linden's Hong Kong may feature a wild-West theme.

Mr. Ben also revealed to the cognoscenti playing Strategic SL that he had reached Level 75 and become a Palinden (watch the Ben's Big Beach Bush to the left of the screen; it has now reached epic proportions). Buhbuhcuh is the first resident to do so, blazing a trail for others to follow suit. Only 3 other Lindens, none of them Lindesidents, have reached Palinden status after years of skill-grinding in town hall meetings, thankless welcome area policing, witless IMing with fanboyz, and questing after bugs, exploits, and elusive Love Machine points.

The three are Hamlet nee Linden Au, author of Newspeak Notes; Reuben nee Linden Steiger founder of Minionsareus; and Haney nee Linden Armstrong, founder of the notorious "socialism-on-one-sim" SameoldSameold, who went to work for omidyar.net and keeps a blog.

Mr. Ben cuts an imposing figure in some screenshots (NSFW) below the fold.

Busted! Furry Caught Soliciting Grid-Crashing Grief from Goons

Furry on Furry Warfare Broadens

For those who have been on the grid for the last few years, stories of users seeking virtual muscle to grief their neighbors is nothing new. Rare is the case, however, where someone is busted in the act of trying to buy some virtual grief. This is apparently what recently happened in a case involving DJ Walcott, a furry administrator of Furpleasure, who sought out some Something Awful Goons (a subgroup of them associated with the W-Hats) in an apparent attempt to hire them to grief an enemy furry group.

Petey's latest Second Life Safari has the whole story, and an excerpt from the incriminating chat log is posted below the fold.

Fear and Loathing in Second Life, part 6: My rod and my staff

by Gideon Television

Forgive me, children, for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession, In that time I have taken hallucinogenics, I've had impure thoughts about my neighbor Lanna, I've fornicated many times (with both women and animals) and become an apprentice to the current fad of guerilla bukkake. And frankly, that's just the tip of the iceberg.

But now I have seen the error of my ways, I have found the light. And in doing so, have built a shrine to my revelation, high on a green and pleasant hill in Second Life.

Come join with me now, in The First Church of Gideon Television, (Superstar)™.

LL Answer Shortage Closes Official Answers Forum

Second Life customers should just STFU, OK?

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

Metaverse game gods might be completely out of answers and - with dim hopes of clues or answers arriving anytime soon - decided to close the Linden Answers forum friday evening. Previously, the Linden Answers forum was a venue for residents to ask questions of the Linden Lab staff and - in some cases - get an answer. The forum acted as both a stress release valve where residents could vent about perceived injustices and problems and - more importantly - bend the ear of the game designers to improve the state of the world. However, some feel that our virtual world no longer needs improvement.

Apparently having achieved metaverse nirvana at 6:34 pm PDT today - Sunshine Watermelon Torley Linden realized that it was no longer necessary to listen to customers, and decided to close the online Q&A forums as an eco-friendly energy saving measure.

Patrice Cournoyer - Post 6 Grrrl

[Editor’s note: One of my best friends in SL is Marilyn Murphy, the photographer/visionary behind Players, SL’s in-world erotica magazine. At this point, Marilyn really knows how to get my attention - so when she said “Pixie - you HAVE to see Patrice, she will rock your world” I dropped everything and - OMG - was Marilyn ever right.]

I am very happy that Marilyn asked me to do this shoot, and very flattered. My body was made and modified for me by Kalyrra Heart, and my skin was specially made by my SL pal and sis, Govindira Galatea.

I am a happily married lesbian, in Second Life, to ma belle femme, Véronique Lalonde. We live on a beautiful beach in Iron Fist, with great neighbours.

Secret Grids?

by Agent Molder, Department of Rumors, Conspiracy Theories, and Tinfoil Hats.

When the Second Life client software went open source several days ago, we all wondered what marvelous new permutations of the client we might see. Few of us thought to ask, "what secrets will be revealed?" But according to one reliable source who has been poking around in the client software, there is reason to think that Second Life has as many as 10 different grids. O.K., we know about the main grid (including the mainland and the islands), and we know about the teen grid, and we speculate that there is a developmental grid. But what are the other 7? Are they under development or are they in use now? Who is using them? Large corporations? The military? Area 51? Enquiring minds want to know! We encourage informed readers to provide any insights in the comments section below, or via email to the Herald Braincramptrust.

Sim Rollbacks Too Dangerous - Dreamland

Cure worse than disease -- months of disappearing object bugs

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

Today, Second Life’s largest landlord notified residents that sim rollbacks are too dangerous to attempt until “Linden Labs fixes the many bugs associated with sim activity”. This news may alarm residents who spend significant time creating elaborate structures and buildings in the metaverse - but if attempts to recover lost objects cause even more lost objects there is a certain logic to minimizing the damage. It is possible that in addition to moderating requests for sim rollbacks, the announcement is also intended to pressure Linden Lab to address some long standing problems.

Dreamland land owners received notices indicating that the last two sim rollback requested from Linden Lab resulted in more objects being lost than were recovered. It is unclear where the missing objects go - but in light of this problem the Department of Metaverse Homeland Security is likely to extended the watermelon and gaffer tape alert level to all of Second Life - previously this alert had been confined to the upcoming SLCC Real Life Typists Conference.

Ségolène Royal: Second Life OK for French Socialists

SL not just for French fascists - Socialists can play too!

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

Joyous news sure to warm the hearts of French socialists everywhere in Second Life arrived on the mojo wire this morning. Supporters of Ségolène Royal have formed a group, purchased land, and constructed offices to support their candidate for president. I hopped in-world a few hours ago to see for myself, and yes, it is true: the 748th local committee of Désirs d’avenir has been created in Second Life - and they have offices.

Not only are there offices in Second Life, there is also a video of the beaming candidate sitting near a computer that appears to be running second life - sharing a stirring endorsement of her friends in the metaverse. Clearly we are at the forefront of the new political media - World Of Warcraft only wishes they had real life politics in their game.

Fall Real-Life Typist Convention in Chicago - SLCC 2007

truck stops deserted, basements left empty as SL typists convene

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

Chicago city official brace for a possible influx of pale squinting kids leaving mom’s basement for the first time in years, obtuse academics, hep cat PR professionals, and swaggering metaverse consultants - some of the typists behind the avatars we all know and love cyber in Second Life. The cause of the Chicago city fathers' concerns? The infamous Second Life Community Convention is expected to be held in the windy city - possibly this fall around halloween.

Across America, truck stops braced for a temporary loss in business as metaverse loving hairy truck drivers who frequent truckstops for internet connections may decide to form a “Convoy to Chi-town”. The potential impact of the expected mass migration is not limited to suburban basements and and the shipping industry - some in-world club owners also expressed concerns that a number of their “escorts” might not be available during the conference.

Meez Too

By Prokofy Neva, Dept. of Spaces, Worlds, Planets, Universes, Metaverses, and Wannabee Virtualities.

I noticed the kids are using Meez more because they're bored with MySpace, which they've pronounced contemptuously as "gay" or "retarded," while still declaring TSL as "fun" but "hippy". They claim they don't care about Meez very much (not having just scored a copy of World of Warcraft Burning Crusade), and they witheringly disparage Meez' nerdy me-too avatars that look like a botch between Bratz and the Sims.

Still, it's an indication that these social software sites are starting to avatarize and go in deeper toward worlds. 2007 is the year of the avatar as I predicted 2006 was going to be ("We're all going to be so amazingly cool, because we already have -- we already *are*? -- avatars"). I can see that free services providing accessories, backgrounds and even animations for avatars might evolve so fast within browsers going forward, that someday they may meet existing 3-D virtual worlds too laggy to log-on to and requiring downloads -- going backwards.

Cambot Races, Doo-Da, Doo-Da

By Prokofy Neva, Dept. of Bot-Watchers and Alien Look-outs

Bots treading Linden water outside of Emerald Falls Casino, which has been forced to ban unverifieds.

With apologies to Stephen Foster.

Campbot zombies sing this song
Doo-da, doo-da
Libsl can do no wrong
Oh, de doo-da day

Gwine to run all night
Gwine to run all day
Bet my money on OS SL
Somebody bet on Croquet

Oh, the Lin-den staff and the script-kiddie sorts
Doo-da, doo-da
Come to a bug hole and they all file reports
Oh, de doo-da day

(chorus)

I went down there with W-hat breakin' in,
Doo-da, doo-da
Came back home with a million Lin-dens
Oh, de doo-da day

(chorus)

The Campbots have seriously become a problem for SL's booming casino business. We had reported late last year about the invasion of Emerald Falls Casino and Games in Pruni by a bunch of bots with Greek names -- they appeared to subside.

But Emerald Falls co-owner Clarrice Cinquetti reports the bots are back in full force, arriving constantly in large batches. At least two other casino owners have reported to the Herald that they, too, have been invaded by massive numbers of bots, who respawn as soon as they are ejected and banned, forcing them to close their land to unverified accounts with "no payment on file". The move has effectively cut cash-strapped newbies -- the target audiences for casinos and their ubiquitous camp-chairs and dance-pads -- from being able to go to venues willing to aid them and provide game help, socializing, and a chance to win on the slots.

Last Sunday, Clarrice teleported me to a disturbing tableau by the elaborate fantasy bridge and working railroad tracks she built in Pruni. Dozens of bots were rezzing on adjacent Linden land, unable to enter her property, which they had been programmed to invade, now that it was set to ban unverifieds. The zombies were falling into the water, flopping around, and then finally logging off -- only to be replaced by new bots. Her efforts to stop the bot-bunching had led her to purchase some nearby land at an outrageously high price -- but Linden land was still open to be exploited.

Op/Ed: Virtual Paradise - But Never on Sunday

Take evenings and weekends off, OK?

by Inigo Chamerberlin

Trying to accompany a friend on a shopping trip Sunday led to me arriving half naked in, of all places, an InfoHub, or whatever they call those things where newly minted noobs are thrown in at the deep end these days, in Mauve.

I logged out, largely due to the ongoing griefer activity, logged into home, wondered briefly at the number of avatars in the sim, made myself decent, managed to teleport back to the shopping venue, where the sim promptly crashed (again) and hence back to… wait for it... yeah, you got it - the Mauve InfoHub.

By this time it’s a war zone, I mean, Francis Ford Coppola could have used this asshole to supply special effects for Apocalypse Now! Though flying dicks weren’t a feature of the film as I remember, still, maybe I wasn’t paying attention?

It’s a well established drill since 06/06/06. Shields up, sit out of the cage, weapons on and wait for the shield to deliver the name of the attacker and a range of retaliation options. Today I’m pretty PISSED, so it’s something that will set this sucker on fire and bounce him around the sim until he gives up and logs, and do the same again if he returns.

Peace descends, though smoke, flame, discarded prims, cages, penises, and you name it, it’s litter the landscape. So THIS is how noobs are welcomed now, is it?

Second Lag

A typical sunday in Second Life

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

/me sighs

not again!

oh come on...

Fear and Loathing in Second Life, Part 5: Helping You to Lead the Way

by Gideon Television

I guess it was an innocent enough comment, right here on YesButNoButYes:

"Is there any sort of drug scene in Second Life for Gideon to explore?"

I'd been clean six months, but as soon as I read the words, the roof of my mouth went dry, and I got that weird itching between my knuckles, like cunnilingus from a thousand angry fire-ants. I knew I shouldn't, but I also knew it was too late.

I was going to have to go back. To score some Seclimine™.

Herald Paparazzi Camp Plastic Duck

Herald Paparazzi get a rare shot of Plastic Duck. Note how evil and gollumesque his hand is!

by Pat the Rat

You may live outside of the USA, safely hidden away in a big forbidding city, but it won't stop the Herald paparazzi from tracking you down and camping you until they get that rare photo or video footage. Here our paparazzi score a rare photo of the infamous ubergriefer and client hacker Plastic Duck, a.k.a. Gene Replacement, and 50 other a.k.a.s.

No need to be impressed. It's how we do. But see below the fold for a shot of Plastic Duck's gear!

How Does Deadbeat Downbeat Dell Pay Land Tier?

Dell corporate island owner has no billing info on file

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

UPDATE - Today the Herald was able to contact Pyrrha Dell who assured us via e-mail that Dell is a good citizen - although the financial arrangements with Linden Lab are confidential. To try to entice Pyrhha to upgrade to a premium account, I’m hoping to take her shopping for clothes in Second Life soon - I’ve got an SL Herald Platinum Corporate Card that I used to verify my account - so I can expense the whole shopping spree. Hopefully search and teleports will be working consistently soon, and as long as we stay away from places that refuse entry to unverified avatars like Pyrrha it should be a great time!
-------
Hi Pixeleen,
You're right I don't get into Second Life nearly as often as I would like. But please don't take that as an indication that I'm not serious about Dell's involvement in Second Life. I've added a comment to your original post. While I can't go into details of Dell's financial agreements, I hope that my response does somewhat assuage the fear that Dell is not a responsible resident.
Thanks,
Laura

Laura P. Thomas, ABC*
Corporate Editor
Dell | Global eCommerce | Second Life | Pyrrha Dell
*Accredited Business Communicator | International Association of Business Communicators

---

Corporate titan Dell Computer may have fallen on rough times of late, as the low overhead computer firm seeks to regain its former profitability. Perhaps it is a cost cutting measure - but it appears that Dell found a way to own land in Second Life without providing Linden Lab with payment information [using the same methods as normal residents]. How does this affect the Linden’s balance sheet? Can our readers get a similar deal - or does your last name have to be Dell to get out from under the tier payments? have a confidential financial arrangement?

Pyrrha Dell cannot pay

Dell’s Second Life presence consists of a number of islands owned by a Ms. Pyrrha Dell. However, Ms. Dell’s Second Life profile indicates that she has “No Payment Info On File” - which caused a number of metaverse residents to wonder how Dell makes land tier payments to the Linden Lab game gods.

Goon Creates SL Promo Video

Futuristic machinima from 1930

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

“Second Life: The Virtual Utopia of the Future” is a retro-ironic vision of our brave new world available here on YouTube. The grainy 1930s-style black and white “talkie” machinima was created by Something Awful goon Mr. Decomposing Monstre and benefits greatly from the blurry YouTube video presentation.

For residents feeling a certain level of cynicism about that state of the world, the contrast between the cheerful voiceover narration hyping Second Life as land of opportunity , creativity, and equality and the contrasting imagery of Gorean slaves, cross burnings, and "jiving hep cats" may be just the thing to cheer everyone up. You can also play a sort of machinima "where's Waldo" game by counting the Plastic Duck icons/costumes in the film.

Animetia Bellman - Post 6 Grrrl

[Editor’s note: I know every SL Herald reader looks forward to our end-of-the-week tradition. I know this very well because I get loads of IMs every friday DEMANDING to see the newest Post 6 Grrrl/Guy/Furry/Robot as soon as possible - and each week Marilyn Murphy somehow finds a way to outdo herself. Marilyn is a legend and a visionary -- the force behind Players, SL’s in-world erotica magazine. And this week - Marilyn brings the metaverse the most amazing Post 6 Grrrl yet - Animetia Bellman.]

Hmmm ... What to say about me? To be honest, I've always had a bit of a problem with this whole self-description thing. Whenever I've been asked to make a profile or an introduction for either a site or job interview, I've always been stumped as to what to put. I usually drivel out something, but it always leaves me wondering if that was the best I could do.

Protesters Demand LL Send Le Pen’s People to M-rated Sims

Pro/Anti Le Pen groups side by side in Matrix Mall

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

FN security is out in force

In a press release today, the SL Left Unity group blasted the Front National party in Second Life as a fascist/racist organization and set the scene for ongoing confrontations by buying land next to the FN office in the Matrix Mall - while staging protests outside the pro-Le Pen FN group’s headquarters in the metaverse.

According to the press release, not only are the words growing heated, the scene is becoming more violent as protesters complain of being shot by FN security - and this seemed to be what I was witnessing on my visit.

Extortion! Brutality! Ageplay! Goreans!

Mafia extortion price lists revealed

-by sparrowhawk perhaps

[Gorean administrator Charles Tiramisu reveals mafia-style extortion attempts against Gorean cities along with price lists from alleged extortionists - services cost up to L$ 40,000/month -- nearly $200 USD. Admin Tiramisu also discuses extreme brutality, slave exports, women, and ageplay concerns in an exclusive interview with the Herald. -the editrix]

Sparrowhawk Perhaps: I am sitting here today with Charles Tiramisu, the Administrator for the Gorean islands of Tancred's Landing and Tancred's West. Many thanks to You, Admin for taking time out of Your busy day to be with us today.

Charles Tiramisu: My Pleasure

SP: I wonder if You might begin by telling us a little bit about Tancred's?

CT: Aye, Tancreds Landing, and Tancreds West, are all one big area spread out over two SIMS in SL Gor. They are situated along the Vosk River, and a part of the Vosk League

SP: I see.

CT: It is a peaceful township, known for their trade and their tradeships along the Vosk

SP: Does Tancred's have any particular exports or trade -- Tyros, for example is known for cherries, I believe...

CT: We are known for our Slaves and their exquisite training

SP: good exports, then -- smiles

CT: aye

SP: In SL, among Gorean roleplayers, there appears to be a rather large spectrum -- all the way from the people who shall we say are delicate, to the book purists, to the goth-goreans. Where do you place Tancred's in that spectrum?

CT: We keep to the books as closely as we can, with some leeway in the RP, but there are also some lines we do not cross, nor allow, as they are VERY specific in the books.

---

Women with submachine guns not welcome

SP: Could You give an example of a line You would advise Your city not to cross?

CT: Women Armed, with weapons that the books SPECIFICALLY call out as not possible, such as, the books describe a female of Gor, fully grown, to have the strength of a 12 year old earth boy -- Not able to handle the massive swords, and spears of the full grown Gorean Male -- And many women come into Gor, and arm themselves to the hilt as such

SP: so if I understand You correctly, You would look away from some panthers armed with submachine guns and the like?

LL Deducts Millions in FurNation Assets

Did LL punish innocent furry recipients of multi-million L$ donations?

by Pixeleen Mistral, National Affairs desk

In an open letter to the FurNation community, Nexxus Ambassador tells a shocking tale calling into question ownership of in-world assets such as land and L$, and highlighting risks for those trying to support an online community though L$ donations and land rentals.

Despite a history of Linden encouragement, Nexxus Ambassador claims the Linden game gods recently locked the legitimate owners/administrators of the FurNation sims out of the game for 9 days and deducted several million L$s from players’ accounts - though these players were not found guilty of any wrongdoing.

After this experience, Nexxus has some understandable questions about Linden Lab policies - policies that seem to place all risk for use of the platform game onto the shoulders of the Lab’s customers. Given the Linden’s well-known confidentiality policies with respect to player problems and exploits, the substance of the company investigations remain unknown - as is the identity of those who allegedly acquired several million L$s through apparent fraudulent means. What is known is that despite Nexxus’s investigations suggesting a donor of several million L$s to the FurNation Community Bank was legitimate, the Linden staffers deduced money from his account - leaving Nexxus deeply in the red - after leaving him locked of his Second Life account for over a week.

Blackjack! or How To Lose Your Shirt in Second Life

by Magnus Rothlisberger

[Editor's note: This shocking tale of loss reaches us from Second Life resident Magnus Rothlisberger, who hopefully now knows better than to keep much cash in his PayPal account. A cautionary tale.
--Walker Spaight]

Armed with a popular betting strategy I set out to test the internet gambling goodness in Second Life. I began at a Raiden Gold Casino roulette table placing individual L$1,000 bets on black. Always bet on black. Every time red or green came up I quickly doubled my bet to L$2,000 and then L$4,000, etc. until that accursed wheel finally landed on a black number.

Some would claim this method of gambling is too boring or has too low of a payout at 1:1 to be any fun. And it was partially true; I was insulted to have to wait 30 seconds for the "No more bets" and wheel before placing my next bet.

But screw anyone who calls winning boring. As the hours ticked by, some wins were easy but others were by the skin of my teeth with prayers and expletives hurled at the table, casino, and any avatars unfortunate enough to pass by during my gambling run.

The tension and stakes increased:

L$1,000 on black (Lost: Red 23)
L$2,000 on black (Lost: Red 14)
L$4,000 on black (Lost: Red 9)

crap

One Million Dollars Won’t Buy Mother's Love

by Heartun Breaker, syndicated advice columnist.

[Editrix's note: This column marks the debut of a new irregular verb -- -– -- which is copyrighted intellectual property of the Herald. We will open-source this verb in the future to allow others to contribute improved versions to us for possible inclusion in future publications. Un-authorized commercial use of our verb may be subject to DMCA take down notices. Contact us directly to see if we feel like letting you use the verb in public or for commercial activities]

HEY HEARTUN ~ A couple of weeks ago I was listening to my radio whilst driving in my car and I heard that a lady was the first to make one million U.S. dollars in Second Life. This made me sit up and listen. Is it true that you can become a millionaire from Second Life? And where do I start and please don't answer by saying 'at the beginning' because I don't know where that is other than registering.
~ BOB'S YOUR UNCLE

DEAR BOB'S YOUR UNCLE ~ Anshe Chung, Anshe Chung, Anshe freaking Chung... if I had a nickel for every greedy noob who joined Second Life because of some article in a business magazine lionizing her I'd be -–ed well -- I'd be Anshe Chung. The sad part is that if you talk with some of her competitors and associates, as I have, they'll all tell you how Anshe puts off this attitude that she is failing miserably. At the same time they'll tell you that public estimates of her income are vastly UNDER-reported. That said, Anshe Chung is a failure.